Saturday, September 22, 2007
The Burning Hell
Aah, now this is more like it! It's still a crappy tract, but it's leaps and bounds ahead of anything else the Fellowship Tract League has done so far.
I mean, just get a load of that cover! Four unhappy faces burning away while a disembodied head with a villain mustache (presumably Satan) looks on. Is that a smirk on his face? He doesn't seem nearly as unhappy as the others, even though he's clearly in the same place. This cover also provides three statements regarding the nature of Hell, just in case the visuals don't do it for you: Thousands of Degrees Hot! And Not A Drop of Water. Tortured Lost Souls Burning Forever!
Way, way, way over the top, this cover gives Jack T. Chick a run for his money. (Yes, I keep mentioning him. I'll get to him soon, have no fear.)
But the laughs don't end there. Inside is the usual warnings about making the right choice, complete with Bible quotes, but with one significant difference. Read the first sentence of the third paragraph to see what I mean:
"One day in HELL, you will not have to be bothered by some Christian trying to give you a gospel tract."
Hi-larious! But it gets better, promising that you will remember all the people who tried to Save you while you cry and beg for a drop of water "to cool your scorching tongue."
Do you think perhaps the author (Dwite Watkins) is a little ticked at having people tell him to buzz off when he tries to shove his beliefs on them? Do you get the sense that he's perhaps a little frustrated? I think he's secretly hoping people won't read his tracts, so that he can lord it over on them when he's in Heaven having a giggle.
He'll definitely laugh at me, because I'm only giving this tract a D-. Points for entertainment and unintentional humour, and an awesome cover, but not much else.
Likely to Convert - 1
Artwork - 5
Ability to Hold Interest - 7
Unintentional Hilarity - 7
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 0