The first and most important thing to know about this Evangelical Tract Distributors offering, titled Psalm 23 (A Friend That Goes With Me), is that it does not mention Psalm 23 at all. The cover, with a nice photo of a church in front of a field, is the only place that title appears.
There are other Psalms on the inside - this is a Scripture-quote tract, with six quotations and a brief write-up on what they are supposed to mean. We have Psalm 84:11. We have 68:19. We even have Psalm 145:1 - 10. But Psalm 23? Nope.
With a gaffe like that, you'd think the author would want to remain anonymous. Nope again. His name is David Buttram (no, I am not making the obvious joke here, I have some standards), and it is printed right there on the cover under the titular Psalm that this tract is not about.
So the title is off. What about the lines of Scripture (and David's write-ups of them) on pages 2 & 3? Nothing terribly interesting or new. "Even though the world surrounds me with temptation, danger and death," he writes, "I feel safe and secure because of His watchful care over me." Apparently that's what Psalm 32:7 and 34:4 mean.
"I know the evil one is trying to follow me," he says, "but God is following even closer." And as awesome as God is, "I know this is only a taste of the future He is preparing for me." So God will keep you secure and safe from the evil one, and will make your life fantastic. Sounds nice, but we have to take David's word for it. And since the guy can't even title his tracts properly, well...
"Would you like to have this Shepherd living in your life?" David asks, before presenting the Sinner's Prayer on the back page. This is the first time he's mentioned a Shepherd, apart from quoting "The Lord is my shepherd" right at the beginning. One assumes the animal wrangler he's referring to is God, then. Odd, though.
Heck, the whole thing is odd. Too odd to convert anyone, I would say. Scripture-quote tracts assume that Bible verses are relevant to your life. If they aren't, they sound nice but have little power. Certainly not persuasive power.
You're getting very low marks on this one, David Buttram (still not making the joke, I'm above that!). Nice cover image, but that's the nicest thing I can say for it. A trip back to tract-writing school would seem to be in order, Mr. Buttram, because if this is your best effort, you can crumple it up and ram it in your butt.
...couldn't resist.
Psalm 23
Likely to Convert - 1
Artwork - 4
Ability to Hold Interest - 1
Unintentional Hilarity - 1
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 1
Showing posts with label Tract. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tract. Show all posts
Sunday, June 21, 2015
Saturday, June 20, 2015
Is There Something Missing In Your Life?
This one would have gone perfectly with this collection of tracts I reviewed back in April of 2012. It's a popular theme, the notion that there is "a vital part of your existence that isn't there" that is "crying out to be filled" that can only be filled with Christ.
The tract asks three questions: What is missing? How did it happen? What has been done about it? The answers are the story of Adam and Eve sinning, after which "every one of us has been born into sin" and doomed to "eternal separation from God in hell fire." Then the tract tells us "Jesus Christ, the God-man" went and "offered Himself the perfect, sinless sacrifice unto God" in order to "give life back unto men."
So, because of something two alleged people did thousands of years ago, you're missing something and are going to go to Hell because of it. Fortunately God killed himself so that we could not only fill up that empty void we all have, but we can go to Heaven instead. A two-for-one deal! Sounds great, but the tract author doesn't bother trying to prove it.
It's a dodge, is what it really is. 'Hey, buddy! You look sad. That's cuz you don't have the one thing that'll make you happy - Jesus! Act now, and He won't burn you for eternity!'
"My friend, are you dead or alive?" the tract begins, then attempts to convince you of the former. It didn't convince me. Evidence and a compelling argument are the somethings missing from this tract.
Is There Something Missing in Your Life?
Likely to Convert - 1
Artwork - 3
Ability to Hold Interest - 2
Unintentional Hilarity - 2
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 2
The tract asks three questions: What is missing? How did it happen? What has been done about it? The answers are the story of Adam and Eve sinning, after which "every one of us has been born into sin" and doomed to "eternal separation from God in hell fire." Then the tract tells us "Jesus Christ, the God-man" went and "offered Himself the perfect, sinless sacrifice unto God" in order to "give life back unto men."
So, because of something two alleged people did thousands of years ago, you're missing something and are going to go to Hell because of it. Fortunately God killed himself so that we could not only fill up that empty void we all have, but we can go to Heaven instead. A two-for-one deal! Sounds great, but the tract author doesn't bother trying to prove it.
It's a dodge, is what it really is. 'Hey, buddy! You look sad. That's cuz you don't have the one thing that'll make you happy - Jesus! Act now, and He won't burn you for eternity!'
"My friend, are you dead or alive?" the tract begins, then attempts to convince you of the former. It didn't convince me. Evidence and a compelling argument are the somethings missing from this tract.
Is There Something Missing in Your Life?
Likely to Convert - 1
Artwork - 3
Ability to Hold Interest - 2
Unintentional Hilarity - 2
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 2
Monday, March 16, 2015
Spooky
Here's a Jack Chick tract that lives up to its title, though not necessarily the way the author/illustrator intended. Jack has another go at Halloween in this one, and delivers the message that wielding fear is a very bad thing - unless you do it for Jesus
Spooky tells the story of Sam and Mr. Hill, two protagonists who couldn't be more different (even if they are destined to be a lot more similar by the tract's end). Sam is a wide-eyed, innocent little kid visiting his Christian Aunt Sarah. Mr. Hill lives in the house across from Aunt Sarah, and every Halloween he "gets a little spooky" when he "makes his home into a haunted house." He does this to "find out who's brave and who's a sissy," and tells Sam if he doesn't come over on Halloween, he's "a little, yellow-bellied coward."
Naturally, Sam goes. As creative as Jack Chick usually is with this sort of setup, only four panels are used to show the haunted house, and they aren't terribly imaginative. Nevertheless, Sam is "really scared," especially when he sees Mr. Hill dressed up like the Devil. Or maybe he's afraid of Bettlejuice standing beside him. I'm not kidding! Chick drew a really good likeness of Tim Burton's ghost-with-the-most. How about that? "You've got guts, kid!" Hill tells Sam, who has apparently passed the manliness test. But Sam's night of terror isn't over yet! On his way home, Aunt Sarah uses Sam's fright to her advantage. "Is (the Devil) gonna get me, Aunt Sarah?" Sam asks. "Not if you do what the Bible tells us to do, Sam," she replies, and proceeds to tell her nephew all about Jesus and Sin and Getting Saved.
"If we can't get rid of (our sin), God won't let us into heaven," she tells him.
"Ugh! That's scary, Aunt Sarah!" Sam replies, putting himself right where she wants him. She tells Sam of "God's great love gift," and that all those who reject that gift "will end up with the Devil... Down in a lake of fire - forever." Upon hearing that, Sam wastes no time getting down on his knees. "God forgave little Sam and saved Him from the Devil's grasp."
Jesus does ask "one little favor," however. "The Lord wants us to tell others the good news that Jesus saves." "I can do that!" Sam declares, and the very next day he puts the Jesus moves on Mr. Hill. "There's no way you'd ever get me in a church!" Mr. Hill tells the young lad. "Why?" Sam wants to know. "Are you afraid to go?" Sam tells Mr. Hill that he sounds "like a big sissy" who is "not as brave as I thought," and "if you don't go with us tomorrow, I'll know you're just a big phony."
Yes, Sam turns the tables on his tough-talking neighbour, using the same tactics that Mr. Hill used to get him into his haunted house. In doing so, of course, Sam sinks down to Mr. Hill's level. Isn't someone whose heart is filled with Jesus' love supposed to be above name-calling and manipulation? Sam even stoops to using Mr. Hill's own words against him; he takes Hill's "little, yellow-bellied coward" and raises him a "gutless, yellow-bellied coward."
"Nobody talks to me like that!" Mr. Hill says, and he's off with Sam and Aunt Sarah to church. Sam keeps the pressure on, in spite of Hill's obvious discomfort. Especially when the priest gets to the good stuff! "So choose. It's either Jesus or the lake of fire!" Mr. Hill makes a run for it. "Stop him, Lord!" Sam prays. Jesus delivers, filling Hill's head with "visions of demons and fire." Hill runs the other way and begs the priest to help him, and gets Saved.
"I became scared of what He could do to me!" Mr. Hill tells Sam on the drive home. "I'm too big a coward to face that nightmare, so I turned to Jesus to save me, and He did!"
What's wrong with this tract? Where do I begin? The whole thing is an invitation to reprehensible behaviour, provided it's done for God. Then there's the central issue of fear; both Sam and Mr. Hill are converted because of it. Even after his Salvation, Hill still seems scared, not filled with the spirit the way the post-Saved are in other Chick tracts. Admittedly, Sam "don't look scared anymore, haw haw!" But like I said, the presence of Jesus within him does not make him any better than Mr. Hill. Salvation is reduced to a protection racket - turn or burn. This tract may convert a few on-the-fence types because of that, but mainstream secular readers will see this for exactly what it is.
And let's not forget the "visions of demons and fire," either. It's not just a vision; Mr. Hill "can hear people screaming" too. Hill may say he became scared "when I heard God's words" in the next panel, but that's bullshit - it was the visions and the screaming that convinced him to "go down front and pray." So why doesn't God use those visions on everybody? It would cancel the need for faith, for one thing. Why have faith in the Bible (and a God you can't see) if you can get visions that prove Hell is real? So why does Hill get the vision treatment? Maybe it's a supernatural gift that only Sam has - based on the art in that "Stop him, Lord!" panel, it certainly looks like Sam is zapping Hill, not God. But why would God give anyone that kind of power if he wants people to come to him through faith? Except he's perfectly happy having them come to him in fear...
Ah, forget it. I keep expecting these things to make sense, or at least stick to their own rules.
"Hell is beyond 'spooky'..." Mr. Hill says at the end. "I turned to Jesus to save me, and He did!" So no more haunted houses for Hill? Or will he simply turn them into Hell Houses? I'm sure he'll do whatever God tells him to do, without thinking or questioning. Fear does that to you, and nothing is more terrifying than Jesus. That is the message, right?
It's a Chick tract. What else would it be?
Likely to Convert - 2
Artwork - 7
Ability to Hold Interest - 5
Unintentional Hilarity - 6
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 4
Spooky tells the story of Sam and Mr. Hill, two protagonists who couldn't be more different (even if they are destined to be a lot more similar by the tract's end). Sam is a wide-eyed, innocent little kid visiting his Christian Aunt Sarah. Mr. Hill lives in the house across from Aunt Sarah, and every Halloween he "gets a little spooky" when he "makes his home into a haunted house." He does this to "find out who's brave and who's a sissy," and tells Sam if he doesn't come over on Halloween, he's "a little, yellow-bellied coward."
Naturally, Sam goes. As creative as Jack Chick usually is with this sort of setup, only four panels are used to show the haunted house, and they aren't terribly imaginative. Nevertheless, Sam is "really scared," especially when he sees Mr. Hill dressed up like the Devil. Or maybe he's afraid of Bettlejuice standing beside him. I'm not kidding! Chick drew a really good likeness of Tim Burton's ghost-with-the-most. How about that? "You've got guts, kid!" Hill tells Sam, who has apparently passed the manliness test. But Sam's night of terror isn't over yet! On his way home, Aunt Sarah uses Sam's fright to her advantage. "Is (the Devil) gonna get me, Aunt Sarah?" Sam asks. "Not if you do what the Bible tells us to do, Sam," she replies, and proceeds to tell her nephew all about Jesus and Sin and Getting Saved.
"If we can't get rid of (our sin), God won't let us into heaven," she tells him.
"Ugh! That's scary, Aunt Sarah!" Sam replies, putting himself right where she wants him. She tells Sam of "God's great love gift," and that all those who reject that gift "will end up with the Devil... Down in a lake of fire - forever." Upon hearing that, Sam wastes no time getting down on his knees. "God forgave little Sam and saved Him from the Devil's grasp."
Jesus does ask "one little favor," however. "The Lord wants us to tell others the good news that Jesus saves." "I can do that!" Sam declares, and the very next day he puts the Jesus moves on Mr. Hill. "There's no way you'd ever get me in a church!" Mr. Hill tells the young lad. "Why?" Sam wants to know. "Are you afraid to go?" Sam tells Mr. Hill that he sounds "like a big sissy" who is "not as brave as I thought," and "if you don't go with us tomorrow, I'll know you're just a big phony."
Yes, Sam turns the tables on his tough-talking neighbour, using the same tactics that Mr. Hill used to get him into his haunted house. In doing so, of course, Sam sinks down to Mr. Hill's level. Isn't someone whose heart is filled with Jesus' love supposed to be above name-calling and manipulation? Sam even stoops to using Mr. Hill's own words against him; he takes Hill's "little, yellow-bellied coward" and raises him a "gutless, yellow-bellied coward."
"Nobody talks to me like that!" Mr. Hill says, and he's off with Sam and Aunt Sarah to church. Sam keeps the pressure on, in spite of Hill's obvious discomfort. Especially when the priest gets to the good stuff! "So choose. It's either Jesus or the lake of fire!" Mr. Hill makes a run for it. "Stop him, Lord!" Sam prays. Jesus delivers, filling Hill's head with "visions of demons and fire." Hill runs the other way and begs the priest to help him, and gets Saved.
"I became scared of what He could do to me!" Mr. Hill tells Sam on the drive home. "I'm too big a coward to face that nightmare, so I turned to Jesus to save me, and He did!"
What's wrong with this tract? Where do I begin? The whole thing is an invitation to reprehensible behaviour, provided it's done for God. Then there's the central issue of fear; both Sam and Mr. Hill are converted because of it. Even after his Salvation, Hill still seems scared, not filled with the spirit the way the post-Saved are in other Chick tracts. Admittedly, Sam "don't look scared anymore, haw haw!" But like I said, the presence of Jesus within him does not make him any better than Mr. Hill. Salvation is reduced to a protection racket - turn or burn. This tract may convert a few on-the-fence types because of that, but mainstream secular readers will see this for exactly what it is.
And let's not forget the "visions of demons and fire," either. It's not just a vision; Mr. Hill "can hear people screaming" too. Hill may say he became scared "when I heard God's words" in the next panel, but that's bullshit - it was the visions and the screaming that convinced him to "go down front and pray." So why doesn't God use those visions on everybody? It would cancel the need for faith, for one thing. Why have faith in the Bible (and a God you can't see) if you can get visions that prove Hell is real? So why does Hill get the vision treatment? Maybe it's a supernatural gift that only Sam has - based on the art in that "Stop him, Lord!" panel, it certainly looks like Sam is zapping Hill, not God. But why would God give anyone that kind of power if he wants people to come to him through faith? Except he's perfectly happy having them come to him in fear...
Ah, forget it. I keep expecting these things to make sense, or at least stick to their own rules.
"Hell is beyond 'spooky'..." Mr. Hill says at the end. "I turned to Jesus to save me, and He did!" So no more haunted houses for Hill? Or will he simply turn them into Hell Houses? I'm sure he'll do whatever God tells him to do, without thinking or questioning. Fear does that to you, and nothing is more terrifying than Jesus. That is the message, right?
It's a Chick tract. What else would it be?
Likely to Convert - 2
Artwork - 7
Ability to Hold Interest - 5
Unintentional Hilarity - 6
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 4
Saturday, May 24, 2014
It's All About You!
Here's some Chick for a modern audience. While the last Chick Tract I reviewed, The Sissy, made reference to The Bionic Man, this tract is set very much in today's world. Or, at least, within the last ten years.
It's All About You is aimed at young people, or rather the impression Jack has of them. We meet Hannah, a self-absorbed whiner of a college student who isn't named until page 11. "Life is so unfair!" she tells her grandpa, who hangs around her college for some reason. "Nobody understands the 'inner me'." And "I didn't ask to be born, you know!" Based on these statements, Gramps deduces that she's "got it all figured out." Nevertheless, he warns her about two "someones" who have "seen things you'd rather people didn't know about," especially since "one of them has it in for you!" As you can imagine, this causes Hannah some alarm.
"He wants to steal the most valuable thing you've got," Gramps tells her.
"My iPod?" Hannah cries, demonstrating Jack Chick's deft hand at comedy while simultaneously dating this tract to the mid-2000s. If written today, it probably would have been an iPhone 5. Or a Tablet. Or a copy of The Five Demons You Meet In Hell.
Of course, Gramps is really talking about Hannah's soul. He tells her that "forces in the spirit world - angels and devils" are in "a war to see who gets" it. He lays the FEAR on nice and thick; "Satan means business" and will "do anything to destroy your soul," and "absolutely nothing is hidden from the eyes of God" because "everything you do, say or think is being recorded." Apparently God is in charge of the United States' Homeland Security! Our "sins just keep piling up" and "that blocks us from going to heaven."
Think Gramps is finished? Hell, no! He's just warming up. Among Satan's chief weapons are "STDs, drugs or booze," and "his rotten crowd" might even "make you binge and purge your meals." Huh? Where did that come from? Every now and then Jack Chick will throw in something totally random.
What are not so random are the pot-shots Jack takes at other religions. There's a picture of four "phoney 'holy men'" including an excellent caricature of the Dalai Lama and an okay rendering of former pope and pedophile-enabler/protector Ratzinger. "Religion pretends to be holy" while putting "their own followers into bondage." We see an image of a corrupt Catholic priest trying to con a grieving widow, and no bout of Chick religion-bashing would be complete without an image of a Muslim suicide bomber.
Now that Hannah has been sufficiently terrorized, Gramps tells her "the Good News" about Jesus "making the only way for us to get to heaven" by dying and shedding "His holy blood to wash away our sins." "But isn't that religion?" Hannah asks, reasonably enough, but Gramps assures her it is not. Hannah gets Saved, and says that "Jesus loves me and really understands me." And he won't steal her iPod, either!
In my review of The Sissy?, I mentioned that the character Duke was likely a stand-in for a certain type of person, namely big hairy tough guys who drive trucks. In It's All About You, Hannah would seem to be representing the youth of today - sullen, ungrateful, self-absorbed, and in dire need of Saving. As always, Jack Chick's tracts reveal more about himself than they do about God.
The art is up to Jack's usual standard. The only place where I felt his drawings were lacking were the depictions of Hannah's fingers in three 'close-up shots' (including the cover). They look more like the digits of an old crone, not a young lady. Also, from page 17 onward, Jack draws her face with more realistically-defined lips. Not sure what that's all about.
A regular feature in numerous Chick Tracts is the addition of cute, funny animals, almost always the same dog and cat. Jack will draw them into numerous panels, perhaps as a bit of levity or maybe just to fill in some empty space. They appear in 13 panels in It's All About You, while recurring deity Ol' Faceless only cameos in two.
The entire approach of It's All About You seems off-message to me, starting with that title. Jack presents Hannah as obnoxiously self-absorbed, but he does not criticize her for it. Rather, he indulges it. Hannah doesn't have to give up her self-centredness to become Saved (yes, she does say "sorry I sin and am so selfish," but talk is cheap). Like Duke in The Sissy, she is not encouraged to be a better person.
In the end, it's not all about you at all - it's about getting Saved, just like any other tract. And while this tract has only a moderate amount of offensive content (5 panels, including the previously mentioned suicide bomber and a dig at lesbians on Page 3), it should prove to be very insulting to its target audience.
And yet, isn't this true of all tracts? They all tell you that you're a sinner, and that you deserve to burn forever. They have to make you believe this, so they can sell you the Good News of Salvation. The insult, or at least the unfavourable judgment, is essential to the delivery of the Message.
But that's neither here nor there. It's All About You is a standard, unremarkable Chick tract that attempts to make ancient scripture relevant to today. It might have had a chance if another young character had preached to Hannah instead of her grandpa. Instead, we get an old guy trying to tell a young person how to live her life. Get off of Satan's lawn, whippersnapper, and onto Jesus' sidewalk! If it's one thing we know about the youth of today, it's their willingness to respect their elders and hang on their every word.
Good luck with that, Jack. You'll have an easier time stealing their iPods.
It's All About You!
Likely to Convert - 3
Artwork - 8
Ability to Hold Interest - 7
Unintentional Hilarity - 3
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 4
It's All About You is aimed at young people, or rather the impression Jack has of them. We meet Hannah, a self-absorbed whiner of a college student who isn't named until page 11. "Life is so unfair!" she tells her grandpa, who hangs around her college for some reason. "Nobody understands the 'inner me'." And "I didn't ask to be born, you know!" Based on these statements, Gramps deduces that she's "got it all figured out." Nevertheless, he warns her about two "someones" who have "seen things you'd rather people didn't know about," especially since "one of them has it in for you!" As you can imagine, this causes Hannah some alarm.
"He wants to steal the most valuable thing you've got," Gramps tells her.
"My iPod?" Hannah cries, demonstrating Jack Chick's deft hand at comedy while simultaneously dating this tract to the mid-2000s. If written today, it probably would have been an iPhone 5. Or a Tablet. Or a copy of The Five Demons You Meet In Hell.
Of course, Gramps is really talking about Hannah's soul. He tells her that "forces in the spirit world - angels and devils" are in "a war to see who gets" it. He lays the FEAR on nice and thick; "Satan means business" and will "do anything to destroy your soul," and "absolutely nothing is hidden from the eyes of God" because "everything you do, say or think is being recorded." Apparently God is in charge of the United States' Homeland Security! Our "sins just keep piling up" and "that blocks us from going to heaven."
Think Gramps is finished? Hell, no! He's just warming up. Among Satan's chief weapons are "STDs, drugs or booze," and "his rotten crowd" might even "make you binge and purge your meals." Huh? Where did that come from? Every now and then Jack Chick will throw in something totally random.
What are not so random are the pot-shots Jack takes at other religions. There's a picture of four "phoney 'holy men'" including an excellent caricature of the Dalai Lama and an okay rendering of former pope and pedophile-enabler/protector Ratzinger. "Religion pretends to be holy" while putting "their own followers into bondage." We see an image of a corrupt Catholic priest trying to con a grieving widow, and no bout of Chick religion-bashing would be complete without an image of a Muslim suicide bomber.
Now that Hannah has been sufficiently terrorized, Gramps tells her "the Good News" about Jesus "making the only way for us to get to heaven" by dying and shedding "His holy blood to wash away our sins." "But isn't that religion?" Hannah asks, reasonably enough, but Gramps assures her it is not. Hannah gets Saved, and says that "Jesus loves me and really understands me." And he won't steal her iPod, either!
In my review of The Sissy?, I mentioned that the character Duke was likely a stand-in for a certain type of person, namely big hairy tough guys who drive trucks. In It's All About You, Hannah would seem to be representing the youth of today - sullen, ungrateful, self-absorbed, and in dire need of Saving. As always, Jack Chick's tracts reveal more about himself than they do about God.
The art is up to Jack's usual standard. The only place where I felt his drawings were lacking were the depictions of Hannah's fingers in three 'close-up shots' (including the cover). They look more like the digits of an old crone, not a young lady. Also, from page 17 onward, Jack draws her face with more realistically-defined lips. Not sure what that's all about.
A regular feature in numerous Chick Tracts is the addition of cute, funny animals, almost always the same dog and cat. Jack will draw them into numerous panels, perhaps as a bit of levity or maybe just to fill in some empty space. They appear in 13 panels in It's All About You, while recurring deity Ol' Faceless only cameos in two.
The entire approach of It's All About You seems off-message to me, starting with that title. Jack presents Hannah as obnoxiously self-absorbed, but he does not criticize her for it. Rather, he indulges it. Hannah doesn't have to give up her self-centredness to become Saved (yes, she does say "sorry I sin and am so selfish," but talk is cheap). Like Duke in The Sissy, she is not encouraged to be a better person.
In the end, it's not all about you at all - it's about getting Saved, just like any other tract. And while this tract has only a moderate amount of offensive content (5 panels, including the previously mentioned suicide bomber and a dig at lesbians on Page 3), it should prove to be very insulting to its target audience.
And yet, isn't this true of all tracts? They all tell you that you're a sinner, and that you deserve to burn forever. They have to make you believe this, so they can sell you the Good News of Salvation. The insult, or at least the unfavourable judgment, is essential to the delivery of the Message.
But that's neither here nor there. It's All About You is a standard, unremarkable Chick tract that attempts to make ancient scripture relevant to today. It might have had a chance if another young character had preached to Hannah instead of her grandpa. Instead, we get an old guy trying to tell a young person how to live her life. Get off of Satan's lawn, whippersnapper, and onto Jesus' sidewalk! If it's one thing we know about the youth of today, it's their willingness to respect their elders and hang on their every word.
Good luck with that, Jack. You'll have an easier time stealing their iPods.
It's All About You!
Likely to Convert - 3
Artwork - 8
Ability to Hold Interest - 7
Unintentional Hilarity - 3
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 4
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
The Sissy?
Here's Jack Chick at his absolute finest! If you are ever asked for an example of Chick's work (not very likely, but go with it),show them this one.
This is the story of Duke, a trucker who's tough as nails... nails that've been pounded through steel! After stopping bullets. Yeah. He rides with his best buddy Billy Joe. You don't learn Billy Joe's name until the very last panel because he's not in any way important. They pull in to a truck stop and see the words "Jesus Saves" on the back of an 18-wheeler. "Only a gutless idiot would have that up there!" says Duke, "...cuz Jesus was a sissy!" No sooner are the words out of his mouth when the driver of that rig turns up. He's a full head taller than Duke (he calls him 'little fella') and built like a tank. If Duke's as tough as bulletproof nails pounded through steel, this guy is the hammer! "How's about you boys joining me for supper?" the hammer asks, his plate-sized hands on their shoulders offering them very little choice in the matter.
Once in the truck stop with food ordered, the Jesus giant (who never gets a name) asks Duke why he thinks "Jesus was a sissy?" This leads to a ridiculous argument over who would win in a fight - a man with God's power, or "some dude." "That wouldn't be a fair fight," Duke points out. "It'd be like fighting the Bionic Man... only worse!" Who remembers The Six Million Dollar Man? Heck, even the remake of The Bionic Woman is old these days!
Jesus Giant gives the full Jesus story, complete with the warning that Duke is going to Hell. As he talks, their waitress (Martha) listens in. She isn't very important to the story either (but more important than Billy Joe), but she gets a name, too! Poor giant dude! Anyway, Duke isn't happy with the giant's assessment of his afterlife allotment. "You mean I should stop boozing, swearing and cheating on my old woman, and start going to church and lead the good life?" he asks. "Nope!" Giant replies, and he goes on to tell Duke that stuff "wouldn't do you any good" because he'd "still be goin' to hell!"
I pause the review here to look at that last interaction. Giant's response is strange, in that it completely divorces the notion of Salvation from doing (or being) good. He might have said, "that ain't enough to Save you, Duke," but he doesn't. Not what Chick intended, perhaps. Or is it? Tracts keep reminding us how our good works won't get us into Heaven, because the Bible says they are as filthy rags or somesuch. Chick seems to take that to its logical conclusion: one's actions and one's character don't matter to God, only whether or not one is Saved.
I'll leave the implications of that notion for another post.
Giant Jesus Truck Dude keeps the pressure on, making sure two important things remain in the forefront of Duke's mind: "He'll send (all sinners including Duke) to the Lake of Fire, and you called him a sissy!" Duke, Billy Joe and even Martha believe everything the Giant says, and all three get Saved. The tract ends with Duke back in his rig, saying "that Jesus had more guts than any man that ever lived." His truck even sports a brand new "Jesus Saves" bumper sticker.
The artwork in The Sissy? is some of Jack's best. The characters are perfectly realized, none more so than Duke. He's the meanest-looking bruiser you could imagine, and Jack's attention to detail is extraordinary when you consider he drew each hair on Duke's arms, knuckles, chest and back by hand. Plus, his visual transition from mean tough guy to worried sinner is flawless and credible. The others are also painstakingly detailed, but they don't stand out the way Duke does. Even the obligatory image of Christ on the cross is tame by comparison!
Duke is, of course, an avatar for the people Chick hopes this tract will reach. It's also a clear image of how he sees them; swarthy, sweaty gorillas who would just as soon punch his lights out as look at him. This could be you, Jack seems to be saying. You're tough, you probably think those Jesus people're a bunch of wimps, but if I was as big and strong as my giant dude here... Ah, nothing like a good ol' revenge fantasy!
The Sissy? is, like I said, some of Jack Chick's finest work. Entertaining, expertly drawn, and not completely implausible, this tract might just make a few people into Believers. The arguments the Jesus Giant puts forth are, on the surface, clever. They don’t actually prove anything, of course; all they do is set Duke up for the next stage in his conversion. Sure do make Jesus Giant look smart, though.
Was Jesus a sissy? Who cares? As long as there are still people out there debating this crucial theological issue, there will be a need for tracts like this one. Keep ‘em coming, Jack!
The Sissy?
Likely to Convert - 4
Artwork - 10
Ability to Hold Interest - 7
Unintentional Hilarity - 4
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 1
This is the story of Duke, a trucker who's tough as nails... nails that've been pounded through steel! After stopping bullets. Yeah. He rides with his best buddy Billy Joe. You don't learn Billy Joe's name until the very last panel because he's not in any way important. They pull in to a truck stop and see the words "Jesus Saves" on the back of an 18-wheeler. "Only a gutless idiot would have that up there!" says Duke, "...cuz Jesus was a sissy!" No sooner are the words out of his mouth when the driver of that rig turns up. He's a full head taller than Duke (he calls him 'little fella') and built like a tank. If Duke's as tough as bulletproof nails pounded through steel, this guy is the hammer! "How's about you boys joining me for supper?" the hammer asks, his plate-sized hands on their shoulders offering them very little choice in the matter.
Once in the truck stop with food ordered, the Jesus giant (who never gets a name) asks Duke why he thinks "Jesus was a sissy?" This leads to a ridiculous argument over who would win in a fight - a man with God's power, or "some dude." "That wouldn't be a fair fight," Duke points out. "It'd be like fighting the Bionic Man... only worse!" Who remembers The Six Million Dollar Man? Heck, even the remake of The Bionic Woman is old these days!
Jesus Giant gives the full Jesus story, complete with the warning that Duke is going to Hell. As he talks, their waitress (Martha) listens in. She isn't very important to the story either (but more important than Billy Joe), but she gets a name, too! Poor giant dude! Anyway, Duke isn't happy with the giant's assessment of his afterlife allotment. "You mean I should stop boozing, swearing and cheating on my old woman, and start going to church and lead the good life?" he asks. "Nope!" Giant replies, and he goes on to tell Duke that stuff "wouldn't do you any good" because he'd "still be goin' to hell!"
I pause the review here to look at that last interaction. Giant's response is strange, in that it completely divorces the notion of Salvation from doing (or being) good. He might have said, "that ain't enough to Save you, Duke," but he doesn't. Not what Chick intended, perhaps. Or is it? Tracts keep reminding us how our good works won't get us into Heaven, because the Bible says they are as filthy rags or somesuch. Chick seems to take that to its logical conclusion: one's actions and one's character don't matter to God, only whether or not one is Saved.
I'll leave the implications of that notion for another post.
Giant Jesus Truck Dude keeps the pressure on, making sure two important things remain in the forefront of Duke's mind: "He'll send (all sinners including Duke) to the Lake of Fire, and you called him a sissy!" Duke, Billy Joe and even Martha believe everything the Giant says, and all three get Saved. The tract ends with Duke back in his rig, saying "that Jesus had more guts than any man that ever lived." His truck even sports a brand new "Jesus Saves" bumper sticker.
The artwork in The Sissy? is some of Jack's best. The characters are perfectly realized, none more so than Duke. He's the meanest-looking bruiser you could imagine, and Jack's attention to detail is extraordinary when you consider he drew each hair on Duke's arms, knuckles, chest and back by hand. Plus, his visual transition from mean tough guy to worried sinner is flawless and credible. The others are also painstakingly detailed, but they don't stand out the way Duke does. Even the obligatory image of Christ on the cross is tame by comparison!
Duke is, of course, an avatar for the people Chick hopes this tract will reach. It's also a clear image of how he sees them; swarthy, sweaty gorillas who would just as soon punch his lights out as look at him. This could be you, Jack seems to be saying. You're tough, you probably think those Jesus people're a bunch of wimps, but if I was as big and strong as my giant dude here... Ah, nothing like a good ol' revenge fantasy!
The Sissy? is, like I said, some of Jack Chick's finest work. Entertaining, expertly drawn, and not completely implausible, this tract might just make a few people into Believers. The arguments the Jesus Giant puts forth are, on the surface, clever. They don’t actually prove anything, of course; all they do is set Duke up for the next stage in his conversion. Sure do make Jesus Giant look smart, though.
Was Jesus a sissy? Who cares? As long as there are still people out there debating this crucial theological issue, there will be a need for tracts like this one. Keep ‘em coming, Jack!
The Sissy?
Likely to Convert - 4
Artwork - 10
Ability to Hold Interest - 7
Unintentional Hilarity - 4
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 1
Thursday, November 14, 2013
The Only Doorway
Boring. But there is a bit in this one I hadn't heard or read before. Apparently, if you try "to enter Heaven some other way than through the way Jesus provided," then "you are a thief and a robber." That's right, a thief AND a robber. There's a difference, apparently. What that difference is, the tract does not elaborate on. Nor does it reveal exactly what it is you are supposed to be stealing. You could be swiping a way into Heaven, I suppose. Which implies there are other ways into Heaven, doesn't it? The tract quotes John 10:1, wherein Jesus says that if you "entereth not by the door into the sheepfold, but climbeth up some other way," then you're a robber/thief. Scriptural proof from the holy horse's mouth that there are other ways into Heaven!
So the title of this tract is wrong. Nevertheless, the author spends the remaining 2 1/2 pages trying to prove it right. "There is no other way to get to Heaven," the author states, listing religion, the preacher, water baptism, church membership, being a moral person and doing good works among the many things that are "not the way." Well, of course they aren't. None of those things involve climbething.
"Don't let the devil deceive you by making you believe there is some other way," the author implores. But Jesus said we could climbeth! Does that mean He's... the Devil?!? Spooky.
Getting back to the title metaphor, we are told "you enter the door by asking Jesus to come into your heart and save you." Standard issue tract message. Nothing new here. Same goes for the Sinner's Prayer on the back. All the good stuff is on the first page, and can be used to annoy any fundamentalist who tries the "one way to Heaven" approach on you.
"Jesus is the door..." the tract states and restates, and quotes John 10:9 to make sure things are clear: "I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture." Ahem. Sounds kinda dirty. Especially since a pasture is a place where you sow your seeds. But who am I to judge? If you can get Saved by entering Jesus, then going in and out until you sow those seeds into that pasture, go for it!
Just close the door behind you.
The Only Doorway
Likely to Convert - 1
Artwork - 3
Ability to Hold Interest - 3
Unintentional Hilarity - 6
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 1
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Deliverance For You
So, a tract from this guy ought to be pretty powerful and convincing, right? Yes it should. Too bad this one isn't.
"We all know how the world has radically changed since the turn of the century," the tract begins. And no, he isn't talking about the year 2000 onwards - he means the last century. "Twenty years ago we used to go down to the seaport to watch the ships come in," Billy says, "but now it is to the airport to watch the planes come down." "Once it was the telegraph but now it is the television."
Not only is this tract seriously out of date, but Billy makes it seem like he really needs a life.
This reminiscing about the not-so-recent past does actually go somewhere. "But with all our progress," Billy writes, "man has not solved the basic problems of the human race." He narrows those basic problems down to three: Sin, Sorrow and Death. Sounds like the name of a goth band. "These three problems make up man's history," and "it all seems rather hopeless" when a person "begins to think about it." Yes, Heaven forbid we start thinking.
Fortunately, Billy has "a rainbow of hope" to "put in your heart." I don't need to tell you what that rainbow is, but I will anyway: "Jesus Christ can meet and solve these three basic problems of your life." Apparently "it has been proved millions of times over." Like most tract authors, Billy neglects to provide the tiniest hint of that proof. I shouldn't be surprised about that, and I'm not. I am disappointed, though. Should not the famous Billy Graham be held to a higher standard?
Jesus "can meet your every need, lift every burden, solve every problem." That's quite a claim, and kind of a hard sell. Perhaps Jesus "can give you hope" and "deliver you from the fear of the future," "the perils of the present trouble" and "the penalty of past sin." I can make the same claims about my glorious man-parts, but that doesn't make them true. And an atheist isn't likely to believe even a pastor of Billy Graham's stature without some kind of evidence to back such claims up.
Incidentally, the cover image of a guy at his desk, face-palming while looking at on-screen tax forms, has nothing whatsoever to do with the material inside the tract.
Does Billy Graham expect us to believe him simply because he's a famous guy? I hope not. If Tom Cruise can't sell me on Scientology, Bill, then you haven't got a prayer.
Deliverance For You
Likely to Convert - 2
Artwork - 4
Ability to Hold Interest - 3
Unintentional Hilarity - 4
Rainbows of Hope - 1
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 0
Monday, September 30, 2013
Let's Fly Away!
This is a contemporary Chick Tract, delivering the message that the world is horrible and getting worse, but Jesus makes everything better. Half of it seems to be aimed at kids, but the other half deals with very grown up issues. Ultimately, God and Jesus are presented as an escape from the troubles of the current day and age.
The story (as much as there is one) starts with the closing of a broke company. "The new regulations killed our jobs!" the former boss tells former employee Greg. "It's happening all over." Greg returns home to his alcoholic wife Delores, who freaks at the news of his termination. "Factories everywhere are closing!" Greg tells her. "The whole country is in a mess." He tries to console her with the story of their next door neighbour Herb, who lost his job, his house, his wife and his kids, but who "says everything is..." And before we can learn what that is is, a gunshot sounds from the house next door. "Herb blew his brains out!" says a dude who seems way too happy about it. The other neighbours are just as creepy - one wants to see what's left of Herb's face, and others set out to loot his home. Wow, humanity sure does suck.
Having established the state of the world as he sees it, Jack Chick introduces Greg and Delores' daughter Julie. She's got great big staring-at-oncoming-headlights eyes, and an innocence bordering on stupidity. She makes friends with Karen, the daughter of the happy smiley couple who just moved in across the street. Karen wastes no time preaching to Julie, telling her that "in God's eyes you are a lying thief!" Liars and thieves "go to the other place!" Karen adds, and we assume she isn't talking about Disneyland. Having sufficiently terrorized Julie, Karen moves in for the Save. "Jesus is coming to get us," she tells her new convert. "He'll meet us in the clouds." The two happy girls jump up and down on Karen's bed, singing "We'll fly away!" Hence this tract's title.
With that, the kid-friendly portion of the tract ends. Julie tells her parents about Jesus, but finds them less than receptive. "We hate that name!" Greg tells her. "You need a nut doctor!" adds Dolores. It seems that while Julie was getting Saved, her parents were busy turning evil. Greg now sports tattoos of skulls, snakes, and Satan's face, and Dolores has become a drug dealer. The way non-Believers do.
The tract ends with Julie jumping on her own bed and singing at two in the morning. Greg has every right to be pissed at the "rotten brat," but his decision to "give her a beating she'll never forget" seems a little extreme. But when Greg barges into Julie's room to open his can of whup-ass, Julie is gone... leaving only her slippers behind! Lucky for her the Rapture happened just in time to save her, right? Although technically, if she had been Raptured, she'd have left behind her pajamas as well. Maybe she just hid under the bed.
Let's Fly Away! paints a very bleak picture of our world, where everyone is a right bastard and life completely sucks. In fact, the whole world is that angry father, coming to our room to beat us. If only we could escape...
And that's Jesus - a magical escape from all your troubles. And eternal damnation. Can't forget that.
"Those religious jerks have made you go crazy!" Dolores tells her converted daughter. "Never mention Jesus again!" says her dad. Is this really what Jack Chick thinks unBelievers are like? Apparently. The only people in the tract who aren't portrayed as pond scum are Karen, her mom, and Julie. If you're not Saved, you must be evil. If that's how Jack sees humanity, how can we take him seriously?
"The whole country is in a mess," Greg says, and maybe he's right. It will take a lot to fix it, and waiting for a miracle escape isn't going to help anybody.
Let's Fly Away!
Likely to Convert - 2
Artwork - 7
Ability to Hold Interest - 4
Unintentional Hilarity - 4
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - ?
The story (as much as there is one) starts with the closing of a broke company. "The new regulations killed our jobs!" the former boss tells former employee Greg. "It's happening all over." Greg returns home to his alcoholic wife Delores, who freaks at the news of his termination. "Factories everywhere are closing!" Greg tells her. "The whole country is in a mess." He tries to console her with the story of their next door neighbour Herb, who lost his job, his house, his wife and his kids, but who "says everything is..." And before we can learn what that is is, a gunshot sounds from the house next door. "Herb blew his brains out!" says a dude who seems way too happy about it. The other neighbours are just as creepy - one wants to see what's left of Herb's face, and others set out to loot his home. Wow, humanity sure does suck.
Having established the state of the world as he sees it, Jack Chick introduces Greg and Delores' daughter Julie. She's got great big staring-at-oncoming-headlights eyes, and an innocence bordering on stupidity. She makes friends with Karen, the daughter of the happy smiley couple who just moved in across the street. Karen wastes no time preaching to Julie, telling her that "in God's eyes you are a lying thief!" Liars and thieves "go to the other place!" Karen adds, and we assume she isn't talking about Disneyland. Having sufficiently terrorized Julie, Karen moves in for the Save. "Jesus is coming to get us," she tells her new convert. "He'll meet us in the clouds." The two happy girls jump up and down on Karen's bed, singing "We'll fly away!" Hence this tract's title.
With that, the kid-friendly portion of the tract ends. Julie tells her parents about Jesus, but finds them less than receptive. "We hate that name!" Greg tells her. "You need a nut doctor!" adds Dolores. It seems that while Julie was getting Saved, her parents were busy turning evil. Greg now sports tattoos of skulls, snakes, and Satan's face, and Dolores has become a drug dealer. The way non-Believers do.
The tract ends with Julie jumping on her own bed and singing at two in the morning. Greg has every right to be pissed at the "rotten brat," but his decision to "give her a beating she'll never forget" seems a little extreme. But when Greg barges into Julie's room to open his can of whup-ass, Julie is gone... leaving only her slippers behind! Lucky for her the Rapture happened just in time to save her, right? Although technically, if she had been Raptured, she'd have left behind her pajamas as well. Maybe she just hid under the bed.
Let's Fly Away! paints a very bleak picture of our world, where everyone is a right bastard and life completely sucks. In fact, the whole world is that angry father, coming to our room to beat us. If only we could escape...
And that's Jesus - a magical escape from all your troubles. And eternal damnation. Can't forget that.
"Those religious jerks have made you go crazy!" Dolores tells her converted daughter. "Never mention Jesus again!" says her dad. Is this really what Jack Chick thinks unBelievers are like? Apparently. The only people in the tract who aren't portrayed as pond scum are Karen, her mom, and Julie. If you're not Saved, you must be evil. If that's how Jack sees humanity, how can we take him seriously?
"The whole country is in a mess," Greg says, and maybe he's right. It will take a lot to fix it, and waiting for a miracle escape isn't going to help anybody.
Let's Fly Away!
Likely to Convert - 2
Artwork - 7
Ability to Hold Interest - 4
Unintentional Hilarity - 4
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - ?
Thursday, August 15, 2013
In Times of Trouble
The tract author delivers this message by instructing the reader on what "God's Trusting Child May Say." First, it is God's Will that "I am in this difficult place," and He will "give me grace in this trial to behave as His child." God "will make the testing a blessing," and "He can bring me out again" all "in His good time" when He's taught us "the lessons He intends for me to learn."
In other words, when a Christian is facing a troubling time, God put them there to teach them a lesson. Therefore, if you become a Christian and "behave as His child," you can take comfort in the fact that any difficulty you face will be put there by God as a test. If you find that sort of thing comforting, then great.
The last page has the usual sinner's prayer, there for readers who want Jesus "to take control of the rest of my life." No mention is made of Hell or damnation, only sin and the desire for eternal life.
This is, as I said, a very nice tract. It places responsibility for one's woes on God, while suggesting that He'll help you out of them. Plus, each woe happens for a reason, rather than simply being random stuff that happens. If that notion helps you deal with life... hey, why not? It proves absolutely nothing, of course, but as these things go, you could do worse.
In Times of Trouble
Likely to Convert - 4
Artwork - 5
Ability to Hold Interest - 4
Unintentional Hilarity - 1
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content – 1
Monday, July 22, 2013
Here Comes The Judge!
This overly-plotted story, however, is a right turn onto left field. It isn't until halfway through the story that a point begins to emerge.
Chick introduces us to Judge Shelton Barnstead, who "gave to charity and was loved by all," but who apparently "had a dark side that very few knew about." Having introduced his titular character, Chick proceeds to ignore Judge Barnstead for a full eight panels. Those panels tell the story of a mother, Kim Keefer, who returns home with her two kids to see a man killing her husband Kyle. It seems Kyle Keefer was a P.I., who had been investigating the Governor and had gathered photographic evidence against him. The murderer, Lance, escapes with the photos and reports to the Judge. "You messed up big time, stupid!" Judge Barnsy admonishes Lance for being caught in the act, and orders him to "bring me the photos right now!"
Judge Barney gets the photos, but Lance gets himself arrested. In response, the Police Chief plants "a stash of illegal drugs" in Kim's home, then has her arrested for her husband's murder. Kim appears before Judge Barnstead, who gives her 50 years (40 for her crimes, and 10 for calling him a "devil").
And it is here, finally, that the plot... not thickens, exactly, but becomes slightly less runny. Conrad, Judge Barnstead's well-groomed but big-nosed house servant, pays his employer a visit in intensive care. Even though Barnsy treated him "like trash since day one," Conrad feels compelled to tell him "about the awesome Judge you must face after death." Barnsy is unable to speak, having been wrapped up mummy-style, but his fearsome eyebrows make his feelings plain.
Conrad preaches about Jesus, then he goes on to tell his boss about the End Times as well. It's as if Chick stuffed the first half of his tract with his complicated plot, then needed some extra material to fill a few more panels. "So what's your decision, sir?" Conrad asks, and he actually hands the judge a card with Yes and No tic boxes on it! Chick gets in a decent joke here - instead of ticking Yes or No, Judge Barnstead writes "You're fired" on the card. Conrad, and Jesus, take that as a solid No, and anyone who rejects Christ in a Chick tract is doomed to an immediate death. Two panels later a bearded, eyepatch-wearing henchman finishes Barnsy off; his soul "was carried away" and "his muffled screams went unheard." The context suggests the screams took place after his soul's departure; maybe Chick was referring to the judge's agonized cries from Hell. The picture of him burning in flames is small by Chick's usual standard, although his eyebrows aren't nearly so terrifying any more.
Oh, and apparently Judge Barnsy didn't go to Hell for his part in the whole murder/theft/conspiracy deal with the Governor. Chick identifies his sins as that of "stubbornness and pride." Readers are then warned, "Don't make the same mistake!" So it's okay to kill someone and take their stuff, blow up cafes, manipulate the law, plant evidence, send innocent people to jail, and whatever the heck it was the Governor was caught doing in the first place... all that stuff is just fine with the Lord as long as you aren't prideful and stubborn? And how was Judge Barnstead prideful and stubborn, exactly? For rejecting Jesus? How do we know he didn't reject Jesus because he thought his house servant Conrad had gone to the nutty store to buy a pair of crazypants?
Jack T. Chick's tracts are usually obvious to the point of being insulting. Here Comes The Judge is so full of plot that the message is hopelessly lost. You blew this one, Jack. That's my verdict.
Likely to Convert - 2
Artwork - 7
Ability to Hold Interest - 4
Unintentional Hilarity - 4
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - ?
Monday, May 20, 2013
How To Survive on the Inside
This is a rare find. Published by ATS, this tract is written specifically for people in prison. Not sure how a copy ended up on the subway where I found it. Maybe Jesus helped some guy to escape.The tract, a seven-page thing with photos of miserable-looking young 'criminals' (a white guy on the cover, and a black guy and a Latino girl on the inside),goes to a fair amount of detail while steering well clear of any facts. We are first presented with seven questions, including: "Did you know that God knows how you ended up here and He loves you anyway?" "Did you know that God sees past your cell and straight into your heart?"
The seven questions are followed by eight detailed steps, not including the three steps to getting Saved at the end. All eight steps provide guidance on how to be a good Christian prisoner. The tract assumes readers not only want to be Christians, but that they want "to spread His message" to their fellow inmates, too.
And, the tract assumes its readers repent. It's a safe enough assumption. The kind of criminal who enjoys sinning probably isn't interested in tracts. Which limits the audience even further.
That small audience, however, will likely find How To Survive On the Inside very useful and comforting. I myself am comforted by the absence of Hell and Satan in this tract, and there's nothing worth getting offended about, either. Of course, a little fire and brimstone often makes these things more entertaining to read.
"If you are a Christian," the tract tells us, "God doesn't see your guilt." Too bad everybody else does. Still, it's a nice sentiment to hold on to.
How To Survive On the Inside
Likely to Convert - 7
Artwork - 5
Ability to Hold Interest - 3
Unintentional Hilarity - 1
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 1
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Satan: The God of This World
Here's another reminder, this time from Fellowship Tract League, that Satan is the chief, boss, ruler, and all-around grand-poo-bah of planet Earth. "Satan has influence and power enough to keep a man from looking into the Bible," the uncredited author tells us, and "certain men have joined Satan to help in his work." What is that work? Keeping people from "seeing that God's Son gave his life for a sin-cursed world." Apparently this keeps him quite busy. And, no one is safe! "It is sad to see man and women with broken lives under the dominion of Satan," the author says, but it turns out that "good parents, first class citizens, fine moral leaders, and church members" are "also under the dominion of Satan."
A frightening reminder to one who is devout, to be sure, but what about the non-believers? Will they care? Will someone who has never heard of Satan come to fear the Devil's dominion? Not likely - the word 'Devil' is never mentioned. 
And Hell isn't mentioned until the last page! Satan may be "a deceiver," and he may also be "the god of sin," but what exactly does that mean in the real world? This tract assumes you already know about Heaven and Hell, so it doesn't bother to explain. The tract ends with the usual blurb about how you need Jesus to save you, complete with standard prayer. In fact, most of Page 3 is about Jesus, too. Only one page and a bit deal directly with Satan, and then only in abstract terms. Satan is "the god of sin." So what? That and a quarter won't even get you a cup of coffee.
Try again, League.
Satan: The God of This World
Likely to Convert - 0
Artwork - 1
Ability to Hold Interest - 2
Unintentional Hilarity - 2
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 1
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Do You Flirt With Danger?
"...Timothy thought it was safe for him to hang out with grizzly bears." So begins this latest tract from Evangelical Tract Distributors, written by Roscoe Barnes III. I laughed hard when I read that line, and so should you.I should have been pissed. After all, here's another tract that's using my name in vain! The message Roscoe is going for is so obvious, and the skill with which he delivers it so stupid, that I'm prepared to let that slight go.
As I'm sure you've guessed, things don't turn out so well for poor Timmy. "People warned him of the danger of" grizzly bears, but Tim "believed he was safe." Then, "despite his belief and good intentions, his rendez-vous with danger resulted in death."
Where is this heading, I don't hear any of you asking? "Like Timothy, we sometime feel we're on the right path," [the typo is Roscoe's, not mine] but "if we live without Christ" then we are "flirting with danger." In other words, if you haven't been Saved you are, essentially, kicking a grizzly bear in the nuts.
"Now that you have seen the warnings," Roscoe sums up, "you have a decision to make. Will you heed the warnings" and "accept God's offer" of Savedhood? Or "will you flirt with danger?" And get mauled by the bears of Hell?
Roscoe Barnes the Third has created a serviceable metaphor with this tract, one that demonstrates the jeopardy he believes the unSaved to be in. A thinking person will see the holes in his reasoning; one can choose to avoid bears, but (according to the theology Roscoe puts forth) Hell is a bunch of bears seeking you out. Plus, bears are real; there is plenty of physical, biological, tangible and visible evidence to prove their existence. There is no such evidence supporting Hell's reality. A person does not have to accept the threat that bears pose to our well-being on faith alone. They need only watch an episode of The Colbert Report.
Of course, there are plenty of non-thinking people who will accept this tract's message of fear at face (muzzle) value. Even they might have trouble taking this tract seriously, however, after reading that first sentence! "...safe to hang out with grizzly bears." That's paws-itively unbearable!
Do You Flirt With Danger?
Likely to Convert - 2
Artwork - 5
Ability to Hold Interest - 4
Unintentional Hilarity - 8
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 1
Sunday, December 2, 2012
The Assignment
Jack Chick's The Assignment portrays the world as a spiritual battleground between the forces of God and Satan. The prize? Our souls. If this tract is to be believed, angels are constantly trying to convert the Lost, while demons scheme to keep the Word of God from them.
And how do these invisible forces achieve their goals? Easy. They use us. Like tools.
The story starts in Heaven, where a crack team of angel commandos have assembled to Save the soon-to-be-deceased Charles Bishop. They only have a couple of weeks before he'll have "a massive coronary," and they must get him right with the Lord "before his departure." That's right, his "departure." Like the guy's going on holiday.
The angels have two human resources to call upon: Charles' co-worker Tim (stop using my name, Jack!); and Charles' daughter's friend Cathy. Tim is "very weak in the word," but Cathy is devout. "I think we can use her!"
Meanwhile in Hell, a similar crack team of demon commandos have an identical meeting. Their mission? Keep Tim and Cathy away from Charles.
The angels try to shame Tim into preaching, but the demons go to work on Tim's wife Ethel. They convince her that Tim will lose his job and their home if he preaches, so she freaks on him and puts him off the idea. Round one goes to the demons.
I should point out that while people can hear the angels and demons, they can't see them, and they certainly aren't aware of their presence. They hear their voices in their minds, and think the angel/demon ideas are their own. This has disturbing implications; no doubt Jack wants his readers to think they are constantly surrounded by demons, whispering evil suggestions in their ears. The angels are depicted doing the same thing, however, and it is even more disturbing.
Let me illustrate why. The next part of the story shows the demons' attempt to deal with Cathy. Knowing that she is "Faithful," and therefore "very dangerous," they try to distract her with a hot dude named Buz. He lays on the charm, but when a guy trips and bumps into him, Buz's true colours emerge. He threatens the guy with violence, and Cathy sees him for who he truly is. A win for the angels? It would seem so. After all, the reason the guy tripped and fell into Buz was because an angel stuck out his foot and tripped him!
What's wrong with that? First, it calls into question exactly what angel and demon powers are. If angels can physically interfere with people, why don't they do it all the time? Why didn't the angel punch Buz out before he met Cathy? Or better yet, why didn't he take the innocent guy's place? If Buz had become violent, the poor guy would have paid a hefty price for the angel's cause. Are the angels really okay with putting someone in harm's way to achieve their ends?
I realize I'm making a big deal out of a couple of tract panels in what is a fairly minor part of the story. I just think it is telling that angels are depicted using immoral (or at least questionable) actions to get the outcome they want. Aren't they supposed to be holy and good?
And that's not the only time they do it. On the day before Charles Bishop's "departure," both the angels and demons get busy. The demons send an insurance salesman to keep Bishop occupied. The angels work to get Charles Bishop alone with Cathy and her Bible. To do so, one angel sends Cathy over to the Bishop's house while another sends Charles' daughter Sandy upstairs "to wash her hair." The demons are evil for manipulating an insurance agent, but the angels are somehow not evil for using the same tactics with Sandy and Cathy.
Charles invites Cathy in, notices she has a Bible, and insists that she "tell me about it." Cathy reads him the best bits, and Charles realizes he is a sinner bound for Hell unless he becomes a Christian. The angels win...
...or do they? Charles realizes that "this is what I need," but he decides to "wait a few years - there's plenty of time!" Naturally, since this is a Chick tract, he dies of that massive coronary in the very next panel. It's a common theme in Jack's work; don't put off conversion, because you could be "lost for all eternity" at any time.
Jack Chick manages to convey the battle for human souls that he believes is taking place all around us, all the time. In presenting that world, however, Jack reveals more about his god than he realizes. His deity has no problem with this situation HE has created, wherein souls are constantly in jeopardy. That, and the way the angels use humans like puppets, sends the message that life is just a game - whichever side scores the most souls before Judgment Day wins! And we're to look to this god and his angels for morality? At least with the demons, you know where you stand.
The disturbing nature of The Assignment doesn't completely cancel out its entertainment value, however. The art is some of Chick's best, and some of his gags are genuinely amusing. Even more amusing are the unintentional laughs I enjoyed in the scene between Charles and Cathy. As the devout teen reads the Bible to him, Charles tries to encourage her with dialogue that, if taken on its own, suggests something entirely different is going on: "Don't stop, Cathy!" "Go on, Cathy, you're getting through!" Of course, to see that humour, you have to be immature like me.
The Assignment is entertaining, and I'll grudgingly admit it could convert a few souls with its convert-now-don't-wait message of fear. It might also have an impact on those who, like Tim, are "very weak in the word." Tim is shamed for not witnessing; Jack no doubt hopes lukewarm Christian readers will feel the same.
Fear and shame. The best emotions to invoke when speaking of a god of infinite love. Is it possible to talk about such a deity without resorting to scare tactics?
Now there's an assignment for you, Jack Chick!
The Assignment
Likely to Convert - 4
Artwork - 9
Ability to Hold Interest - 7
Unintentional Hilarity - 7
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 6
And how do these invisible forces achieve their goals? Easy. They use us. Like tools.
The story starts in Heaven, where a crack team of angel commandos have assembled to Save the soon-to-be-deceased Charles Bishop. They only have a couple of weeks before he'll have "a massive coronary," and they must get him right with the Lord "before his departure." That's right, his "departure." Like the guy's going on holiday.
The angels have two human resources to call upon: Charles' co-worker Tim (stop using my name, Jack!); and Charles' daughter's friend Cathy. Tim is "very weak in the word," but Cathy is devout. "I think we can use her!"
Meanwhile in Hell, a similar crack team of demon commandos have an identical meeting. Their mission? Keep Tim and Cathy away from Charles.
The angels try to shame Tim into preaching, but the demons go to work on Tim's wife Ethel. They convince her that Tim will lose his job and their home if he preaches, so she freaks on him and puts him off the idea. Round one goes to the demons.
I should point out that while people can hear the angels and demons, they can't see them, and they certainly aren't aware of their presence. They hear their voices in their minds, and think the angel/demon ideas are their own. This has disturbing implications; no doubt Jack wants his readers to think they are constantly surrounded by demons, whispering evil suggestions in their ears. The angels are depicted doing the same thing, however, and it is even more disturbing.
Let me illustrate why. The next part of the story shows the demons' attempt to deal with Cathy. Knowing that she is "Faithful," and therefore "very dangerous," they try to distract her with a hot dude named Buz. He lays on the charm, but when a guy trips and bumps into him, Buz's true colours emerge. He threatens the guy with violence, and Cathy sees him for who he truly is. A win for the angels? It would seem so. After all, the reason the guy tripped and fell into Buz was because an angel stuck out his foot and tripped him!
What's wrong with that? First, it calls into question exactly what angel and demon powers are. If angels can physically interfere with people, why don't they do it all the time? Why didn't the angel punch Buz out before he met Cathy? Or better yet, why didn't he take the innocent guy's place? If Buz had become violent, the poor guy would have paid a hefty price for the angel's cause. Are the angels really okay with putting someone in harm's way to achieve their ends?
I realize I'm making a big deal out of a couple of tract panels in what is a fairly minor part of the story. I just think it is telling that angels are depicted using immoral (or at least questionable) actions to get the outcome they want. Aren't they supposed to be holy and good?
And that's not the only time they do it. On the day before Charles Bishop's "departure," both the angels and demons get busy. The demons send an insurance salesman to keep Bishop occupied. The angels work to get Charles Bishop alone with Cathy and her Bible. To do so, one angel sends Cathy over to the Bishop's house while another sends Charles' daughter Sandy upstairs "to wash her hair." The demons are evil for manipulating an insurance agent, but the angels are somehow not evil for using the same tactics with Sandy and Cathy.
Charles invites Cathy in, notices she has a Bible, and insists that she "tell me about it." Cathy reads him the best bits, and Charles realizes he is a sinner bound for Hell unless he becomes a Christian. The angels win...
...or do they? Charles realizes that "this is what I need," but he decides to "wait a few years - there's plenty of time!" Naturally, since this is a Chick tract, he dies of that massive coronary in the very next panel. It's a common theme in Jack's work; don't put off conversion, because you could be "lost for all eternity" at any time.
Jack Chick manages to convey the battle for human souls that he believes is taking place all around us, all the time. In presenting that world, however, Jack reveals more about his god than he realizes. His deity has no problem with this situation HE has created, wherein souls are constantly in jeopardy. That, and the way the angels use humans like puppets, sends the message that life is just a game - whichever side scores the most souls before Judgment Day wins! And we're to look to this god and his angels for morality? At least with the demons, you know where you stand.
The disturbing nature of The Assignment doesn't completely cancel out its entertainment value, however. The art is some of Chick's best, and some of his gags are genuinely amusing. Even more amusing are the unintentional laughs I enjoyed in the scene between Charles and Cathy. As the devout teen reads the Bible to him, Charles tries to encourage her with dialogue that, if taken on its own, suggests something entirely different is going on: "Don't stop, Cathy!" "Go on, Cathy, you're getting through!" Of course, to see that humour, you have to be immature like me.
The Assignment is entertaining, and I'll grudgingly admit it could convert a few souls with its convert-now-don't-wait message of fear. It might also have an impact on those who, like Tim, are "very weak in the word." Tim is shamed for not witnessing; Jack no doubt hopes lukewarm Christian readers will feel the same.
Fear and shame. The best emotions to invoke when speaking of a god of infinite love. Is it possible to talk about such a deity without resorting to scare tactics?
Now there's an assignment for you, Jack Chick!
The Assignment
Likely to Convert - 4
Artwork - 9
Ability to Hold Interest - 7
Unintentional Hilarity - 7
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 6
Saturday, December 1, 2012
The Mad Machine
This one is just plain batshit crazy. Sorry for the foul language, but no other words come close. In fact, I could probably stop this review right here.
But I won't.
The Mad Machine has a lot in common with The Beast, in that both reveal far too much about Jack Chick's paranoid state of mind. There's no mention of the End Times in Machine, however. Or, for that matter, a machine. Instead, this tract's purpose is to demonstrate how bad things are for the world, make fun of people who think they have the answers, and finally demonstrate how much better things would be if we'd only accept Jesus as our Saviour.
Out of all the topics of ridicule, therapy takes the most hits. Jack portrays mental health treatment as if it were still in the dark ages. "There's no peace or compassion in (group therapy)... only putdowns, anger and tears." Speaking as someone who has benefited from group therapy, I can truthfully say that Jack is full of crap.
All of his taunts come with blanket statements like: "New marriage problems are plaguing the home" and "Experts predict a world-wide depression." Where does he get this information? Who are these "experts" he speaks of? Another statement begins with: "It's been reported that..." Reported where? Jack does not say; he's become as lazy as every other tract writer!
The Mad Machine ends with a devout old lady. Jack loves devout old ladies, and has featured them as heroes in his tracts at least as often as Bible Bob and Li'l Susy. This tract's devout old lady tells a man in a suit that God will take care of all her problems. "I understand your husband is dead," the suited, bespectacled man says. "Your money is almost gone, you have no relatives and you have cancer, right?" The way anyone would raise such sensitive topics. She isn't phased in the slightest; "those problems are the Lord's responsibility... not mine!" The suited man (who he is and what he's doing there are never revealed) asks, "Do you really think this Jesus can help you?" Which is funny, because the old lady hasn't mentioned Jesus' name yet! She tells him what Jesus did to Save everybody, but neglects to inform the dude how to actually get Saved. And while Jesus is stated to be "the only way to Heaven," mo mention is made of Hell. It is not like Jack to take the soft approach.
The old lady sums up this tract's message by describing the knowledge of eternal life in Heaven as "real good therapy!" As if Almighty God was nothing more than a substitute for Prozac.
Jack Chick is at his absolute best when he's depicting Hell, damnation and terror. Nevertheless, The Mad Machine is still pretty entertaining. Only people paranoid enough to buy in to Jack's vision of our world are likely to be converted, if they haven't been already. Everyone else will either laugh or scratch their heads. Either way, they will likely agree with my opening statement:
The Mad Machine is batshit crazy!
The Mad Machine
Likely to Convert - 3
Artwork - 8
Ability to Hold Interest - 7
Unintentional Hilarity - 7
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 2
But I won't.
The Mad Machine has a lot in common with The Beast, in that both reveal far too much about Jack Chick's paranoid state of mind. There's no mention of the End Times in Machine, however. Or, for that matter, a machine. Instead, this tract's purpose is to demonstrate how bad things are for the world, make fun of people who think they have the answers, and finally demonstrate how much better things would be if we'd only accept Jesus as our Saviour.
Out of all the topics of ridicule, therapy takes the most hits. Jack portrays mental health treatment as if it were still in the dark ages. "There's no peace or compassion in (group therapy)... only putdowns, anger and tears." Speaking as someone who has benefited from group therapy, I can truthfully say that Jack is full of crap.
All of his taunts come with blanket statements like: "New marriage problems are plaguing the home" and "Experts predict a world-wide depression." Where does he get this information? Who are these "experts" he speaks of? Another statement begins with: "It's been reported that..." Reported where? Jack does not say; he's become as lazy as every other tract writer!
The Mad Machine ends with a devout old lady. Jack loves devout old ladies, and has featured them as heroes in his tracts at least as often as Bible Bob and Li'l Susy. This tract's devout old lady tells a man in a suit that God will take care of all her problems. "I understand your husband is dead," the suited, bespectacled man says. "Your money is almost gone, you have no relatives and you have cancer, right?" The way anyone would raise such sensitive topics. She isn't phased in the slightest; "those problems are the Lord's responsibility... not mine!" The suited man (who he is and what he's doing there are never revealed) asks, "Do you really think this Jesus can help you?" Which is funny, because the old lady hasn't mentioned Jesus' name yet! She tells him what Jesus did to Save everybody, but neglects to inform the dude how to actually get Saved. And while Jesus is stated to be "the only way to Heaven," mo mention is made of Hell. It is not like Jack to take the soft approach.
The old lady sums up this tract's message by describing the knowledge of eternal life in Heaven as "real good therapy!" As if Almighty God was nothing more than a substitute for Prozac.
Jack Chick is at his absolute best when he's depicting Hell, damnation and terror. Nevertheless, The Mad Machine is still pretty entertaining. Only people paranoid enough to buy in to Jack's vision of our world are likely to be converted, if they haven't been already. Everyone else will either laugh or scratch their heads. Either way, they will likely agree with my opening statement:
The Mad Machine is batshit crazy!
The Mad Machine
Likely to Convert - 3
Artwork - 8
Ability to Hold Interest - 7
Unintentional Hilarity - 7
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 2
Monday, October 29, 2012
Who, Me?
Note: this is a rewrite of a review I'd posted over a year ago, along with several copyrighted images. I deleted it along with several other reviews, but recently decided to re-post it if I could find my original handwritten draft. I did, so here it is.
To take people's minds off of Hurricane Sandy, I bring you another look into the world of the nearly-always reliable Jack Chick. But this one, dear readers, is no ordinary Chick Tract. This one was specially created for timid Christians who want to Save people as passively as possible. And more, it's also a shameless advert for Jack's other tracts, to be distributed by those timid Christians in the hopes of converting them into Chick Publications customers. And Saving the unSaved too, I suppose.
First, Jack uses his own unique style to demonstrate how hard it is to Witness. Most methods (like gospel radio & TV sows) won't work, he says, and most other tracts are also doomed to failure because they have "too many words." Before presenting his own work as the solution to this Witnessing dilemma, Jack tells an interesting story about where he got the idea to draw his cartoons. "A missionary told us that the Communists in China had developed a powerful way to reach the multitudes." It seems "their agents watched our children spend hours reading comic books." Jack illustrates this point with an image of a drug store, where children read comics while an evil-looking Chinese dude takes pictures of them from behind a display stand. "The communists spent millions of dollars printing their propaganda in a cartoon format," and "the results were extremely successful."
Apparently people will believe anything if it's in cartoon form. Think I'll go find some toxic waste to swim in when I'm done this review, so I can get me some superpowers!
Anyway, seeing the success of the Chinese propaganda, Jack Chick made his illustrated gospel tracts to spread God's Word. Because when he does it, it's spreading God's Word. But when the Chinese do it, it's propaganda. Hmm. I'm certain Jack missed the irony on this one.
According to Jack, his cartoon tracts succeeded "beyond all expectations" because "people find them IRRESISTIBLE!" If he does say so himself. Which he does.
The rest of the tract tells the reader how they can go about Witnessing with his tracts, and gives suggestions on where those tracts could be placed. Jack also devotes two pages to quotes from people who got Saved because they read his work. "NOBODY can resist illustrated Chick Tracts!"
The back cover provides information on how to get your hands on some, so you can have "a successful and satisfying personal ministry." Chick tracts are "available at your favorite Christian bookstore," and a phone number and website address are provided just in case they are not.
As tracts go, this is a unique item. It's fairly inoffensive, except of course to the Chinese, and it is amusing to see just how highly Jack thinks of himself and his product. Doesn't the Bible have a few things to say about pride? Still, Jack has a valid point - his tracts make it very easy for shy people to spread Jack Chick's word.
Who, Me?
Likely to Convert - N/A
Artwork - 7
Ability to Hold Interest - 7
Unintentional Hilarity - 6
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 4
To take people's minds off of Hurricane Sandy, I bring you another look into the world of the nearly-always reliable Jack Chick. But this one, dear readers, is no ordinary Chick Tract. This one was specially created for timid Christians who want to Save people as passively as possible. And more, it's also a shameless advert for Jack's other tracts, to be distributed by those timid Christians in the hopes of converting them into Chick Publications customers. And Saving the unSaved too, I suppose.
First, Jack uses his own unique style to demonstrate how hard it is to Witness. Most methods (like gospel radio & TV sows) won't work, he says, and most other tracts are also doomed to failure because they have "too many words." Before presenting his own work as the solution to this Witnessing dilemma, Jack tells an interesting story about where he got the idea to draw his cartoons. "A missionary told us that the Communists in China had developed a powerful way to reach the multitudes." It seems "their agents watched our children spend hours reading comic books." Jack illustrates this point with an image of a drug store, where children read comics while an evil-looking Chinese dude takes pictures of them from behind a display stand. "The communists spent millions of dollars printing their propaganda in a cartoon format," and "the results were extremely successful."
Apparently people will believe anything if it's in cartoon form. Think I'll go find some toxic waste to swim in when I'm done this review, so I can get me some superpowers!
Anyway, seeing the success of the Chinese propaganda, Jack Chick made his illustrated gospel tracts to spread God's Word. Because when he does it, it's spreading God's Word. But when the Chinese do it, it's propaganda. Hmm. I'm certain Jack missed the irony on this one.
According to Jack, his cartoon tracts succeeded "beyond all expectations" because "people find them IRRESISTIBLE!" If he does say so himself. Which he does.
The rest of the tract tells the reader how they can go about Witnessing with his tracts, and gives suggestions on where those tracts could be placed. Jack also devotes two pages to quotes from people who got Saved because they read his work. "NOBODY can resist illustrated Chick Tracts!"
The back cover provides information on how to get your hands on some, so you can have "a successful and satisfying personal ministry." Chick tracts are "available at your favorite Christian bookstore," and a phone number and website address are provided just in case they are not.
As tracts go, this is a unique item. It's fairly inoffensive, except of course to the Chinese, and it is amusing to see just how highly Jack thinks of himself and his product. Doesn't the Bible have a few things to say about pride? Still, Jack has a valid point - his tracts make it very easy for shy people to spread Jack Chick's word.
Who, Me?
Likely to Convert - N/A
Artwork - 7
Ability to Hold Interest - 7
Unintentional Hilarity - 6
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 4
Saturday, October 27, 2012
The Beast
Jack Chick loves to recycle his previous material, especially when it comes to the End Times. The Beast was published, according to the copyright notice, back in 1988, which very nearly makes it the tract that begat all of Chick's end-times stuff (including the hilarious Here He Comes! in 2003 and the stupid and offensive Where Did They Go? in 2007).
Very nearly, but not quite; there's The Only Hope, which predates The Beast by three years. I don’t have that one, though, so let’s stick with The Beast.
It starts with two pages depicting the Noah apocalypse, a time when “everything was totally evil” because mankind “had become so rotten.” Jack compares that epoch with today’s world(or, rather, what he thought today’s world was back in 1988), and declares that “today’s conditions are the same as it was in the days of Noah.” No, he’s not predicting bad weather. Jack uses another two pages to depict “life as it is today,” and sets both images in a bar. There’s a knife fight going on, a bunch of men groping women and talking adultery, there’s a gay couple in the corner, and the waitresses appear to be topless.
Wait! There’s more – a guy shouts about “an old nut” preaching outside, and suggests they all “go give him the business. Haw! Haw! Haw!” There is simply no other way for a person to laugh in a Chick tract.
Oh, and people praise Lucifer’s name, too. The way we all do in today’s world. Back in 1988.
So, we’ve seen Noah’s world (inclement, with a chance of Ark), and we’ve seen Jack’s paranoid delusion of the late eighties. What’s all this got to do with the Beast? Jack’s getting to that; be patient. First there are two pages depicting the Rapture, because one image of Christians flying up to Heaven just wouldn’t be enough. The Four Horsemen start riding, and the Beast finally takes centre stage.
The Beast is “a leader that the world will love,” and is also “Satan’s masterpiece.” He “stabilizes the world economy and pulls the religions of the world together.” Then he uses computers to “control every person on the globe” with his infamous 666 mark. That’s one busy beast!
The world continues its decline, becoming “one gigantic witches’ coven.” The people “will not repent,” so “God pours out his wrath on an unbelieving and rebellious world.” On one page Jack depicts this wrath, which includes the poisoning of water, a third of the sea turning to blood, men being “scorched with great heat,” and swarms of unconvincing bugs with crowns on their heads and nice hairdos.
Like I said, all that stuff takes up only one page. The Rapture, two pages. Not sure what to make of that. Plus, out of 22 panels, the Beast (or his name) only appears in four.
The Beast continues to screw around and the people still won’t repent, so God decides it is time to put his holy foot down. He interrupts the Battle of Armageddon and wipes everyone out, then He throws all the sinners into Hell a thousand years later. Why a thousand years later? It’s a Bible thing.
So there’s Jack Chick’s second (I think) End Time tract. Not a lot in there to convince a secular audience of its validity; The Beast seems to be targeted at the Saved. As Chick tracts go, this one isn’t bad; the art is nice, as always, and the paranoia is good for a laugh. It’s not as good as Flight 144, but tract enthusiasts like me could do a lot worse.
The Beast
Likely to Convert - 2
Artwork - 9
Ability to Hold Interest - 8
Unintentional Hilarity - 8
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 4
Very nearly, but not quite; there's The Only Hope, which predates The Beast by three years. I don’t have that one, though, so let’s stick with The Beast.
It starts with two pages depicting the Noah apocalypse, a time when “everything was totally evil” because mankind “had become so rotten.” Jack compares that epoch with today’s world(or, rather, what he thought today’s world was back in 1988), and declares that “today’s conditions are the same as it was in the days of Noah.” No, he’s not predicting bad weather. Jack uses another two pages to depict “life as it is today,” and sets both images in a bar. There’s a knife fight going on, a bunch of men groping women and talking adultery, there’s a gay couple in the corner, and the waitresses appear to be topless.
Wait! There’s more – a guy shouts about “an old nut” preaching outside, and suggests they all “go give him the business. Haw! Haw! Haw!” There is simply no other way for a person to laugh in a Chick tract.
Oh, and people praise Lucifer’s name, too. The way we all do in today’s world. Back in 1988.
So, we’ve seen Noah’s world (inclement, with a chance of Ark), and we’ve seen Jack’s paranoid delusion of the late eighties. What’s all this got to do with the Beast? Jack’s getting to that; be patient. First there are two pages depicting the Rapture, because one image of Christians flying up to Heaven just wouldn’t be enough. The Four Horsemen start riding, and the Beast finally takes centre stage.
The Beast is “a leader that the world will love,” and is also “Satan’s masterpiece.” He “stabilizes the world economy and pulls the religions of the world together.” Then he uses computers to “control every person on the globe” with his infamous 666 mark. That’s one busy beast!
The world continues its decline, becoming “one gigantic witches’ coven.” The people “will not repent,” so “God pours out his wrath on an unbelieving and rebellious world.” On one page Jack depicts this wrath, which includes the poisoning of water, a third of the sea turning to blood, men being “scorched with great heat,” and swarms of unconvincing bugs with crowns on their heads and nice hairdos.
Like I said, all that stuff takes up only one page. The Rapture, two pages. Not sure what to make of that. Plus, out of 22 panels, the Beast (or his name) only appears in four.
The Beast continues to screw around and the people still won’t repent, so God decides it is time to put his holy foot down. He interrupts the Battle of Armageddon and wipes everyone out, then He throws all the sinners into Hell a thousand years later. Why a thousand years later? It’s a Bible thing.
So there’s Jack Chick’s second (I think) End Time tract. Not a lot in there to convince a secular audience of its validity; The Beast seems to be targeted at the Saved. As Chick tracts go, this one isn’t bad; the art is nice, as always, and the paranoia is good for a laugh. It’s not as good as Flight 144, but tract enthusiasts like me could do a lot worse.
The Beast
Likely to Convert - 2
Artwork - 9
Ability to Hold Interest - 8
Unintentional Hilarity - 8
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 4
Friday, October 26, 2012
The Unspeakable Gift
Here's a tract that could really have benefited from the work of a decent editor. Unnecessarily wordy and lacking narrative focus, The Unspeakable Gift is practically unreadable, too!
Published by Evangelical Tract Distributors and "Selected by A. C. P." - whatever that means - this tract makes the oft-repeated point that "Eternal Life" is a Gift. Apparently the Apostle Paul said "Thanks be unto God for His unspeakable Gift," which explains this tract's title. Nothing else does. I mean, one usually associates the word Unspeakable with something negative, doesn't one? Paul likely meant something positive, but will the average secular person on the street make that assumption when handed this unspeakable tract?
But the title, while off-putting, is hardly this tract's only problem. Run-on sentences abound, and the author lacks knowledge of basic punctuation. And did I mention narrative focus? Yes I did. The tract begins by talking about our "beclouded" minds, then tells of how the thief being crucified next to Jesus got himself Saved in the nick of time. He had no good works to his credit, you see, but was still "carried into paradise where Christ was" because "the righteousness of Christ was imputed to him."
And then, just after the Apostle Paul and his Unspeakable quote, the tract dives headfirst into a clumsy metaphor. Imagine "an unskilled man taking his crude colors and clumsy brush and trying to add to" a great work of art. "The idea is unthinkable." So why are people "doing it every day when they come to the question of their soul's salvation" by trying to add to God's Gift of Eternal Life?
Further salvation talk ensues, and the author trips over his/her own explanations. The tract also states that "The Cross of Christ our Lord" is "the central FACT of history." No, that "FACT" is not backed up with any evidence, but that's hardly a surprise.
Evangelical Tract Distributors, this little number is proof that good writing is every bit as important as scripture. If you want to impute your message into our minds without beclouding them, you'll need to do much better than this!
And no, I'm not going to end on a gag about this tract's unspeakableness, because that would be too easy. I'm above cheap jokes. Some of the time.
The Unspeakable Gift
Likely to Convert - 0
Artwork - 4
Ability to Hold Interest - 2
Unintentional Hilarity - 5
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 0
Published by Evangelical Tract Distributors and "Selected by A. C. P." - whatever that means - this tract makes the oft-repeated point that "Eternal Life" is a Gift. Apparently the Apostle Paul said "Thanks be unto God for His unspeakable Gift," which explains this tract's title. Nothing else does. I mean, one usually associates the word Unspeakable with something negative, doesn't one? Paul likely meant something positive, but will the average secular person on the street make that assumption when handed this unspeakable tract?
But the title, while off-putting, is hardly this tract's only problem. Run-on sentences abound, and the author lacks knowledge of basic punctuation. And did I mention narrative focus? Yes I did. The tract begins by talking about our "beclouded" minds, then tells of how the thief being crucified next to Jesus got himself Saved in the nick of time. He had no good works to his credit, you see, but was still "carried into paradise where Christ was" because "the righteousness of Christ was imputed to him."
And then, just after the Apostle Paul and his Unspeakable quote, the tract dives headfirst into a clumsy metaphor. Imagine "an unskilled man taking his crude colors and clumsy brush and trying to add to" a great work of art. "The idea is unthinkable." So why are people "doing it every day when they come to the question of their soul's salvation" by trying to add to God's Gift of Eternal Life?
Further salvation talk ensues, and the author trips over his/her own explanations. The tract also states that "The Cross of Christ our Lord" is "the central FACT of history." No, that "FACT" is not backed up with any evidence, but that's hardly a surprise.
Evangelical Tract Distributors, this little number is proof that good writing is every bit as important as scripture. If you want to impute your message into our minds without beclouding them, you'll need to do much better than this!
And no, I'm not going to end on a gag about this tract's unspeakableness, because that would be too easy. I'm above cheap jokes. Some of the time.
The Unspeakable Gift
Likely to Convert - 0
Artwork - 4
Ability to Hold Interest - 2
Unintentional Hilarity - 5
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 0
Saturday, July 14, 2012
The Present
In my last review, I actually praised Jack T. Chick for his cartooning abilities. It was praise earned; in the world of fundamentalist cartoon tracts, Jack stands high above the rest. All that skill and craftsmanship are on display in The Present, but they are not enough to save the tract from an extreme case of lameness.
The story is a simple one, starting with a fairy tale before moving on to Biblical ‘truth’. There’s this king who lives with his only son “in a palace high above the clouds.” How he and his kid can breathe up there is never explained.
The king decides to build “apartments in my castle as a present for all” his son’s friends, and sends his Only Son (hint, hint) down to the people below to “invite them to the castle.”
It turns out the people below are a nasty lot, and kind of dumb, too. When Sonny-boy tells them the king “has a wonderful present for you,” they assume “he’s lying” and tell him “We don’t want his present!” And then they kill the poor bastard. Yes, bastard. We never do see a queen.
The king is understandably put out by the news of his son’s death, so he sends his army to attack the town, and “no one survived!”
“The next part of this book,” Chick tells us, “IS TRUE.” He re-tells the story of Jesus, sent by his father from his castle above the clouds down to the people below to offer them a present. You see, there are “many mansions in heaven that HE wants people on earth to come live in.” Just like the king in that story! Jesus tells the people he’s the son of God, come to invite them all up to his heavenly mansions. The people suspect “he’s lying to us!”
And, well, we all know how that story turned out.
The idea Chick is trying to put forward here is that God (like that king) is offering a wonderful present that is so good, it would be utter foolishness to refuse it. He also makes it clear that rejecting the gift will lead to dire consequences. The stories don’t exactly match up – the prince doesn’t rise three days later to become the townsfolk’s saviour.
Nevertheless, The Present presents the Christian faith as something wonderful to be obtained, a rare thing for any tract. The whole notion of Hell is left off-page until the very end, appearing as something of an afterthought. At least until the reader figures out that the gift of Jesus is an escape from the predicament God put them into in the first place!
I just didn’t like this tract. I’m not especially outraged, I’m not particularly amused, and I’m barely entertained. The Present is the re-gifted tacky tie of tracts, best left in its wrapping under the tree.
Likely to Convert - 2
Artwork - 7
Ability to Hold Interest - 4
Unintentional Hilarity - 6
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 1
Heaven
Here’s a tract that looks like it might be fun, what with the cartoons and everything. Sadly, the Fellowship Tract League can’t make a decent cartoon to save your soul.
It starts out with a pale naked man with no penis looking up at the title in a cloud. “Boy! I’d sure like to go there!!” he says, uttering the only line of dialogue. The rest of the tract uses scripture quotes to provide context to the cartoons; each panel has at least two verses attached to it. A large brick wall, labeled SIN, pushes the pale naked man with no penis toward a cliff over the fiery pit of HELL. The brick wall has a human arm that points down at the scary flames, just in case there is any confusion about where the SIN is pushing him.
Luckily, a cross-shaped bridge appears, allowing the pale naked man with no penis to cross over HELL’s flames to Heaven. This makes the pale naked man very happy. Even though he has no penis.
Heaven is a simple little story that teaches all the main points about Christianity. Well done. A shame it won’t win any converts. It’s the cartoons; sure, they’ll keep the average reader on the page, but the style is too goofy to be taken seriously. Jack Chick knows the balance a cartoonist must strike when drawing a serious-minded comic strip. The uncredited artist on this tract does not. When you consider the fact that the rest of the tract is nothing but Bible quotes, one can see how the League have booked yet another ticket to Loserville.
Wow, I never thought I’d compliment Jack Chick! He may be as loony as a roll of dollar coins, but the man knows his craft.
Try again, Fellowship Tract League.
Likely to Convert - 1
Artwork - 4
Ability to Hold Interest - 2
Unintentional Hilarity - 2
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 0
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