First The Bad News...

Lately I've been enjoying tracts that either aren't repetitive (not many) or are at least short. This new offering from Evangelical Tract Distributors fits the latter bill.

First The Bad News... is a collection of quotes compiled by Mrs. Don Brill, each with a rating of either Bad News or Good News. Each quote also has an all-caps title that serves to translate the lines of scripture from Biblical into English. For example - BAD NEWS: WE DESERVE ETERNAL PUNISHMENT. "And whosoever was not found written in the Book of Life was cast into the Lake of Fire." Revelation 20:15.

Some of the all-caps title-translations are redundant, like this one - GOOD NEWS: CHRIST CAME TO SAVE SINNERS. "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners."

The last page provides the standard Salvation prayer, cementing my impression that this tract offers nothing new. Like I said, however, it is a short tract, and doesn't bore the reader with some contrived story. I like brevity in tracts - it wastes so much less of a reader's time.

Likely to Convert - 2
Artwork - 1
Ability to Hold Interest - 1
Unintentional Hilarity - 2
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 0

The Christian's Manner of Dress

Here's a rare one that isn't trying to convert readers. It isn't even targeted at non-believers. This tract, credited to the Rev. Ejj and published by Gospel Tract and Bible Society, is aimed squarely at Christians.

And I do mean square. This tract aims to convince the Christian reader that "there is a discreet way of dress that befits the Christian and his high calling." After all, a person's dress sense "is like a window providing a look into his heart," and "the true disciples of Christ have always been known for their humble dress."

Naturally, Satan won't have any of this, and so he "uses various methods to undermine God's standard of modest dress." What are those 'various methods'? The tract doesn't say. It talks about clothing "worn mainly as an ornament or display" and "suggestive attire" that "draws attention to the human form and promotes lustful thoughts and desires," but it doesn't directly tie these fashion choices back to Satan. I guess it's meant to be implied.

Another no-no? "Clothing that is tightly fitted" because it arouses "the passions of the opposite sex," which leads "to immorality.

Rev. Ejj draws mainly from the writings of Paul for these clothing directives, and makes clear Paul's statement in Corinthians 6:19-20 that a Christian "is to glorify God in his body and in his spirit."

In 1 Timothy 2:8-10, he goes after women, telling them to "adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety." Paul is far from the only sexist bastard in the Bible; Peter also has a few things to say. In 1 Peter 3:3-4 he says "that women should shun 'that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing gold,'" etc.

And guess what? Cross-dressing is right out. "All that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God."

Seems pretty strict, but then "even a proud look is an abomination to God." Fashion appeals "to man's vain pride," and when a person's fashion desires "are gratified, man becomes a slave of fashion rather than a servant of God."

So what are the words that best describe what a Christian's clothing should be? Modesty, simplicity, comely, humble. Someone should tell the Pope. And the cardinals, bishops and priests. And not a few televangelists.

This tract appears dull and lifeless to the eye, being simple text upon green paper. If one invests the time to read it, however, it does prove entertaining (and offensive to both women and transgendered people). Since there is no mention of Hell or Salvation or even Jesus himself, it has the distinction of being somewhat unique among tracts. If it had been done in cartoon form, it could have been brilliant. Something to think about, Rev. Ejj.

Then again, maybe the lack of "outward adorning" and "costly array" is the author's way of driving his point home. Subtle, Ejj, but one can take that too far. Christians get bored like everybody else, you know.

"God's will is that the human form should be covered, not displayed," and "a holy beauty will radiate from those who are surrendered to God's will." Such a lovely use of words, considering his message is that fashion is bad, but human skin is badder. I wish Rev. Ejj all the success in the world in converting his fellow Christians to the true path of uninteresting clothes. After all, we all know the Devil wears Prada.


Likely to Convert - N/A
Likely to Change Christian Fashion - 2
Artwork - 0
Ability to Hold Interest - 3
Unintentional Hilarity - 6
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 4

Are You 100% Sure?

Half the size of regular tracts, this offering from Faithway Baptist Church offers the soul absolute certainty of its afterlife destination with only half the paper. Like 7 Things That Will Not Get You Into Heaven, it gets points for producing less waste while having nothing new to say.

"All men, including you," are sinners who must "be born again through Jesus Christ" in order to avoid "an eternal Hell." If you do, "you can be 100% sure that you are going to Heaven." Seems that "nothing else will do... not church membership, not baptism, not confirmation, not communion." That last bit is a lot like 7 Things, except there's only four of them. And two of those items don't appear in 7 Things's list. Which means it could have been 9 Things.

Whatever. They both use less paper, and in the end that's what really counts.

Likely to Convert - 1
Artwork - 4
Ability to Hold Interest - 2
Unintentional Hilarity - 2
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 0

7 Things That Will Not Get You Into Heaven

This tract is nothing special, but it is short. Published by Grace & Truth, it is only two pages, back-to-back. The title alone takes up a quarter of the allotted space.

The second quarter is devoted to those titular seven things: going to church, being baptized, keeping the commandments, performing religious duties, doing good works, going to confession and having good morals. The rest of the tract tells us the usual Jesus-is-the-only-way message.

While boring and trite, this tract saves on paper while simultaneously saving readers precious time. We have nothing new to say, the tract tells us, but at least we say it quickly. And less paper means it is better for the environment, too. I only have to crumple up half as much before tossing it in a blue bin.

Likely to Convert - 1
Artwork - 2
Ability to Hold Interest - 3
Unintentional Hilarity - 3
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 0

Why Run The Risk?

I've been out of the biz for a few months now because the pickings have been, well... predictable. Heh, most tracts are predictable to some extent, but some are worse than others.

This offering, however, takes it over the top via a trip down looney lane to paranoid park. "Did you ever stop to think that you are running a risk every time you get into a car and go shopping?" Not lately, I haven't. This tract, written by C. Darling and published by Grace & Truth, seeks to scare readers by suggesting that death is everywhere, and anything and everything can kill you. "People have met early deaths by riding bicycles, crossing busy streets, eating the wrong kinds of foods, receiving bee stings, using harmful chemicals, etc."

Scared yet? How about this previously unknown fact: "The death toll from all causes remains at 100%." Yikes! Do you know what this means? It means "there is no escaping death."

So what's the point of scaring the pants off us with all this death talk? Easy. C. Darling wants us to "turn to Christ to be truly and totally saved." Like we didn't know that was coming. You could die from a bee sting while riding your bike through busy streets into harmful chemicals while eating the wrong kinds of food, so you'd better get Saved now while you are still alive.

"Why risk spending eternity in that place reserved for the devil and his angels, when you can spend eternity with God in the joys of heaven?" Maybe because I'm laughing too hard to take you seriously, C. Darling.

Likely to Convert - 3
Artwork - 4
Ability to Hold Interest - 5
Unintentional Hilarity - 8
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 0

How To Get To Heaven: For Black Readers

A trend that pops up here and there in the tract world is the re-publishing of certain tracts for black readers. I've seen a number of Chick Tracts 'remade' this way (ie - Somebody Goofed re-published as Oops), but a few others have followed his lead.

Remember my review of How To Get To Heaven, from the Fellowship Tract League? Here's the same tract, with five panels re-done with dark-skinned characters replacing the original's yellow-haired white kids.

Two things come to mind when I look at these remakes. 1. Do the tract writers really think black people won't get the message otherwise? And 2, doesn't it say something that there are so few black people in the original tracts that the writers felt a black version was necessary?


And if the League was going to go to the trouble of making an updated version, couldn't they at least have fixed the original's flaws? Nope, Hell is still "a terrible place where fire is." The black kids do look slightly more pained at the idea of burning "in hell FOREVER" than their white counterparts, but not by much. I guess that's a sign of equality - the League will give black readers exactly the same crap that white readers have been getting.

Still, it's good to know that tract makers are willing to be inclusive, and don't think of Heaven as a whites-only club. Otherwise, this tract is just as lame as its predecessor.

Likely to Convert - 2
Artwork - 4
Ability to Hold Interest - 4
Unintentional Hilarity - 5
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 1

Marriage And Homosexuality: A Christian Response Part 4

CHAPTER 4: THE CHRISTIAN RESPONSE

This section has one or two good points to make. "The church must repent of its pharisaic attitude toward confession of sins" and "of hostility toward homosexual people." Of course, those points would sound better if the first paragraph didn't contain this gem: "Strong marriages would go a long way to preventing more children being exposed to the confusion and dangerous health risks involved in homosexuality."

Still, they are trying. The writers want Christians "to show compassion to the homosexual community" so that gay people might eventually be "won into the Kingdom of God." To do this, Christians "should be aware of three different groups within the homosexual community: the militants, the moderates, and the repentant." They give descriptions and advice on how to approach each group, and to their credit they advocate love in each case. They even take a stab at humour when describing 'militant' gays, who have "rigid viewpoints" and are "intolerant toward opposing viewpoints" - "sounds like a description a homosexual might give of a Christian!" Ha, ha. Nicely placed joke, in that it distracts readers from the authors' own rigid and intolerant viewpoints, such as stating repeatedly that their view is 'the truth'.

"Repentant homosexuals need a tremendous amount of support and encouragement" when leaving their 'sinful' lifestyle, because they may be "frightened, vulnerable and lonely" when they leave their "network of support and identity." The authors urge readers to "encourage, love and support" repenting gays, and "not allow our distaste for an unnatural behaviour to get in the way." Gee, thanks.

"Moderate" gays "share the same dreams and worries as everyone else." Wow, it's like they're human beings or something! "We need to approach them just as we would anyone else: offering Jesus' saving grace." After all, "unless the Holy Spirit is at the centre of a person's life, change in sexual orientation is irrelevant."

CHAPTER 5: WHAT YOU CAN DO

This section encourages readers to write to the government, to newspapers and other media outlets to express "your views on marriage" and "promote culture-saving values in society." Included are several (now outdated) MP addresses and emails, and advice on how to write and prepare letters (such as removing "unnecessarily aggressive words and phrases"). Readers are also asked to "reach out to homosexuals," and the authors provide names and websites for "ministries that are equipped to help homosexuals change their orientation."

Other suggestions range from making presentations at churches and supporting changes in government policies. Also, readers should try and strengthen their marriages and encourage young people who are considering marriage. Wouldn't want any gayness to sneak in, would we?

CHAPTER 6: RESOURCES
CHAPTER 7: RECOMMENDED LINKS
CHAPTER 8: BIBLIOGRAPHY

These last few sections end the book, for which I (and, I imagine, you) am profoundly grateful. This has been a long , grueling review, and I'm glad to be almost done.

The Resources section advertises books and booklets on related subject-matter. Titles include "Bringing Up Boys," "Someone I Love Is Gay," "A Strong Delusion: Confronting the 'Gay Christian' Movement," and "A Parents' Guide To Preventing Homosexuality." I had no idea such books existed, but I can't say I'm surprised. All books are available from Focus On The Family (again, no surprise).

Following the book advertisement, the book provides a list of Recommended Links, contact information for Focus On The Family, and a bibliography with end-notes. The lack of surprise again comes to the fore, as three of their listed references are books advertised in the preceding section. Interestingly, "A Parent's Guide To Preventing Homosexuality" was published by InterVarsity, the same guys who published "Homosexual Struggle", the last booklet I reviewed.

CONCLUSION

The booklet doesn't actually have a concluding section, but it doesn't really need one. It presents itself as a helpful guide for Christians who are concerned about the definition of marriage, and it advocates love and compassion while condemning bigotry and hatred. No doubt the authors feel they are on the side of good. After all, they do have THE TRUTH, don't they?

Well, no, they don't. They have their truth, and the arrogance to insist it applies to everybody. The conclusion I draw from this book is that change is happening, and many Christians (the authors among them) feel scared and threatened. This book wasn't published to protect families, but to protect an old and outdated way of seeing the world that is under bombardment from present-day reality. Plus, the sneaky playing around with terminology (like Basic Human Rights) and raising of irrelevant subject-matter (the freedom of speech issue) add to this book an air of desperation that is just pitiful. I can't quite call this hate literature, but it comes awfully close.

The booklet opens with this question: "How are we as Christians to respond?" My answer: leave gay people alone. Please. We've all had enough of this. Just leave them alone.

Likely to Convert - N/A
Likely to Convert Gays - N/A
Artwork - 2
Ability to Hold Interest - 6
Unintentional Hilarity - 3
Level of Disturbing or Offensive Content - 9